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Literature Text
We two were separately
and completely in love
with the bad apple, the shiny boy
who, garlanded
with her veneration and mine,
plucked and hoarded every blossom
in his the mucid closeness
of his gym locker.
Knowing this, we all embraced
together and kept silent.
When the petals changed
to reeking black, and were clammy
enough to adhere to the body
my friend and I severally craved,
he turned them out
onto the floor. Falling forward,
the bad apple rolled around
in all that slimy detritus.
and completely in love
with the bad apple, the shiny boy
who, garlanded
with her veneration and mine,
plucked and hoarded every blossom
in his the mucid closeness
of his gym locker.
Knowing this, we all embraced
together and kept silent.
When the petals changed
to reeking black, and were clammy
enough to adhere to the body
my friend and I severally craved,
he turned them out
onto the floor. Falling forward,
the bad apple rolled around
in all that slimy detritus.
Literature
daughters
my 5 year old daughter only wants to run
through the park, loping beside our wolf-puppy,
both lean & fierce, joyful
as she tosses her hair back
& suddenly I see my body
in hers, tireless & certain,
despite my pounding heart
& damaged limbs, I run&run&
then she gives for a moment,
tumbled full-length in the grass,
feeding the puppy from her cupped hands,
& demanding, scratch my back too!
then down her sides & over the ripples
of her ribcage, her leaping heart
& tummy, still baby-soft,
until the shadows reach us & I
must give her back, inch by inch,
a long, twirling hug
my mother will echo with sad arms,
murmuring, you look really good,
Literature
My Mother's Horse
The night my mother died, the horse in the barn started singing.
Its neck bulged, veins sticking out like ropes around a hanged man's throat. The old blind eyes stared at nothing, dumbly terrified of the same.
"Shut up, you old dumb bitch," I snapped at it. It had been my mother's horse. Better than a lawnmower, cheaper than a car, she used to say. But for the last few years, it had been too sick to eat and too weak to ride or pull a cart. It just stood in its stall, swaying on its broomstick legs and heaving its eyelids up and down over its smoggy eyes. We'd been an odd trio—my mom, her horse, and me. She refused to kill it, and it h
Literature
Forgive This Grief (Miscarriage)
My arms are weighted with her space,
a heaviness that won't compare--
her toes, her smile, her tiny face,
and the imagined white-blonde hair;
forgive this mother's grief for stolen dreams
and let alone these tears that stream.
Forgive this mother's grief,
forgive this mother's grief,
remember things aren't always what they seem.
I know it's wrong to yearn for them,
but those moments when you despair
would give to me what was unsent--
a life of burdens I wish I could wear.
Forgive this jealous heart that wants to share
the grumpy shouts, the unmade beds you bear.
Forgive this jealous heart,
forgive this jealous heart,
remember it's 'bout her,
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For AllPoetryIsGolden 's 100 Themes Challenge. I think the situation in this poem will be one that many people can identify with.
Questions:
1. I would like to show this poem to my old friend. Do you think that would be a bad idea? Why?
2. Is the language too formal? Should I smooth it down?
3. As usual, does the title make sense? Got a better idea?
Questions:
1. I would like to show this poem to my old friend. Do you think that would be a bad idea? Why?
2. Is the language too formal? Should I smooth it down?
3. As usual, does the title make sense? Got a better idea?
© 2014 - 2024 fernknits
Comments9
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1) I think you know the answer to this question better than we do. How close are you to this friend? Do you have an idea on how she would react today? Those are the questions that I would ask myself, anyway.
2) The level of formality in the language that you've used, to me, shows a detachment from the situation in the present day. I can tell that this rivalry meant a lot to you at the time, and I can also see a different perspective on it coming from your present-day self. If that's what you're going for, then I would say leave it alone. If you want this piece to feel more in-the-moment, then I would say that it would benefit from having a less formal feel. All depends on where you want to go with it.
3) I have a ridiculous struggle with titles at all times, so I don't think I'm the best person to ask this question of.
That being said, I personally like the title.
As far as a critique? I almost feel as though your middle couplet doesn't explain enough - "we all embraced together" is a really interesting way of phrasing that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. But what did you mean by it? That you all stayed friends in an awkward threesome, while there were still obviously feelings involved between you and your rival? Did the object of your rivalry know that these feelings existed? I don't think it would require much work, but I do feel that perhaps changing it around a little bit would make it clearer to the reader exactly what's happening at this point; that being said, I really like that particular phrase, and I would hate to see it go away. It's just so unique, and I love that.
That's all I have. I am in love with your imagery, especially that last stanza. You've painted such a picture with this piece! It's dark, it's uncomfortable in parts, and it's very visceral.
2) The level of formality in the language that you've used, to me, shows a detachment from the situation in the present day. I can tell that this rivalry meant a lot to you at the time, and I can also see a different perspective on it coming from your present-day self. If that's what you're going for, then I would say leave it alone. If you want this piece to feel more in-the-moment, then I would say that it would benefit from having a less formal feel. All depends on where you want to go with it.
3) I have a ridiculous struggle with titles at all times, so I don't think I'm the best person to ask this question of.
That being said, I personally like the title.As far as a critique? I almost feel as though your middle couplet doesn't explain enough - "we all embraced together" is a really interesting way of phrasing that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. But what did you mean by it? That you all stayed friends in an awkward threesome, while there were still obviously feelings involved between you and your rival? Did the object of your rivalry know that these feelings existed? I don't think it would require much work, but I do feel that perhaps changing it around a little bit would make it clearer to the reader exactly what's happening at this point; that being said, I really like that particular phrase, and I would hate to see it go away. It's just so unique, and I love that.
That's all I have. I am in love with your imagery, especially that last stanza. You've painted such a picture with this piece! It's dark, it's uncomfortable in parts, and it's very visceral.