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Literature Text
A doctor prepares me --
warm in your IV, now,
and my eyes yawn
straining for the jerk
of my bare foot
bound in the pressure cuff:
a hardly visible nod
to this disquiet --
but all I know
is the itching, tingling, lurid pleasure
of therapeutic yielding --
Incontinent thoughts
burgeon like embarrassing
hair in places
I wish they couldn't see:
me, supine
on a stretcher, chin pointing straight
to the perforated ceiling,
sucking air
past desiccated tongue and cheeks
to frantic lungs
and yet-invalid soul.
warm in your IV, now,
and my eyes yawn
straining for the jerk
of my bare foot
bound in the pressure cuff:
a hardly visible nod
to this disquiet --
but all I know
is the itching, tingling, lurid pleasure
of therapeutic yielding --
Incontinent thoughts
burgeon like embarrassing
hair in places
I wish they couldn't see:
me, supine
on a stretcher, chin pointing straight
to the perforated ceiling,
sucking air
past desiccated tongue and cheeks
to frantic lungs
and yet-invalid soul.
Literature
Coddled
don't step on the eggshells
don't look through the gaps
don't ask me what happened
just fill in the cracks
this happens like clockwork
don't worry
please wake me up gently
don't leave me alone
I'm cold and it's dark out
and you're not at home
like clockwork, I need you
please hurry
Literature
Slipping
My words are greasy
They slide away
My heart wants to but lacks the will to play
Evenings on fast forward
Until work the next day
My dreams and goals
Don’t lift but weigh
I am consumed
But I have nothing to say
Literature
Forgotten.
We used to travel together, you see. And I remember even the most useless things.
Remember that time, when it was hot, so hot, that we brought ice creams at the local milk bar.
They melted in our fingers.
I remember you thought the guy behind the counter was gorgeous. You wanted to give him your number but you chickened out. I teased you the whole day.
I guess that's what friends do?
I wanted to be... so much more than friends with you. I loved you.
I remember you made sexual jokes about how sticky your hands were after the ice creams. "You're disgusting." I laughed.
We had to walk ten minutes to find a tap to wash our hands.
We used t
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Electroconvulsive therapy, from the patient's point of view.
1) How clear is the picture? How could I make it clearer?
2) How relatable is the emotion?
3) Does the stanza structure add anything to the poem, or is it distracting?
1) How clear is the picture? How could I make it clearer?
2) How relatable is the emotion?
3) Does the stanza structure add anything to the poem, or is it distracting?
© 2014 - 2024 fernknits
Comments3
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Hi, Sean here from We-Poets, finally stopping by with the critique you requested!
Incontinent thoughts
***lowercase incontinent
1) How clear is the picture? How could I make it clearer?
It's very clear, and your technique and short lines/short poem really work well for this! Excellent job!
2) How relatable is the emotion?
I've never had this therapy I don't think, so not at all relatable personally, but I totally understand the feelings of being worked on, checked, inspected, and so on.
3) Does the stanza structure add anything to the poem, or is it distracting?
It works perfectly. I think poetry is beautiful in just the right bite-size portions, and for this subject matter in particular, your little lines almost reflect the thoughts bouncing around a patient in step with his eyes moving back and forth with discomfort. As I said, you did an excellent job with this!
-Sean
Incontinent thoughts
***lowercase incontinent
1) How clear is the picture? How could I make it clearer?
It's very clear, and your technique and short lines/short poem really work well for this! Excellent job!
2) How relatable is the emotion?
I've never had this therapy I don't think, so not at all relatable personally, but I totally understand the feelings of being worked on, checked, inspected, and so on.
3) Does the stanza structure add anything to the poem, or is it distracting?
It works perfectly. I think poetry is beautiful in just the right bite-size portions, and for this subject matter in particular, your little lines almost reflect the thoughts bouncing around a patient in step with his eyes moving back and forth with discomfort. As I said, you did an excellent job with this!
-Sean